Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
