WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
