1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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