Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
