I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize