I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
