the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
