He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
