what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
