I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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