I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize