$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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