If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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