I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
