I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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