For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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