So drunk its hurt
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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