So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
