i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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