so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
