I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
