Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
