a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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