theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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