my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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