i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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