my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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