I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Houston, we have a squirter
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize