God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
