I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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