Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
