I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
