On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize