She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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