If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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