Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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