dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
