someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
