Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize