We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
