her vagine was all disorganized.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize