Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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