Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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