I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
