Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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