Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm both gender and math confused
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize