i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Pants are for mortals
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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