I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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