you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
