Soap is not a condiment
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Randomize