im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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