I bet he comes in French.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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