honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You pole danced in your parka.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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