Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
