Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
