Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
