my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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