It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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