Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
