I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
