I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
