The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
