It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
