A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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