someone threw a dead crab at me
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
