the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
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