Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
