I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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