I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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