So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
