I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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