I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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