I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
