Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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