Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
